I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
