ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
