but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
