I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
