So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I've blown a few things in my day
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
