Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
