My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
