Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
