OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
