I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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