Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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