i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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