If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
