If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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