thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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