and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
