seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
