wanna go halves on a baby?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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