No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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