she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
