I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I would ride that face into the sunset
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
