You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
