ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
