Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
