Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
