what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
