A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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