Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
