apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
