There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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