she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
