One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
