I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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