How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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