he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I need to align my fucking chakras
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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