Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I've blown a few things in my day
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
