Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
