i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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