Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
