I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
