I hope mine doesn't look like that
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
