so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
