He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
