6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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