so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
