boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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