So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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