we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
