just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
