I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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