so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
