Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
