just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
