Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
