What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
