you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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