every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
