So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
