Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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