Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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