so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
